What the f$%@ was I thinking?!?!

17 07 2009

I’m trying to pack for my trip tonight and panic is starting to set it in.  Suddenly, I have complete understanding for The Bloggess and her “confidence wigs”. I wish I had one. Although I honestly don’t know how I would keep it on while I was dancing. For those of you who don’t know, I’m headed to Round Rock to get my Zumba Gold certification. Zumba is a latin dance class that is SO. MUCH. FUN. I’m going to get certified to teach a Zumba class geared towards older clients, fitness beginners or people recovering from injuries. I honestly don’t know how I got here. I vaguely mentioned something to my instructor and friend, Cornelia, about one day, maybe being interested in getting certified and next thing I knew, I had registered myself in a certification class. ME! IN A FITNESS INSTRUCTOR CLASS! This is crazy. This is stupid. I know I pick up coreography quickly. I know that everyone tells me that I do well at this class. I’ve had half a dozen people and two Zumba instructors encourage me to get certified, but a part of me is starting to wonder if that wasn’t just them being encouraging to the funny, fat girl that comes to every class.  I’ve had a little voice whispering for 2 weeks that this will be great. That I’m starting a great new chapter in my life. That this could open doors to places that I want to be. That voice has been completely drowned out by the screaming maniac now wailing in my head, “WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!?! YOU’RE TOO FAT FOR THIS! You’re going to make a complete fool out of yourself. You’re going to collapse after the second hour. They’re going to have to call paramedics to give you oxygen!” That mean, psychotic voice has gained volume exponentially over the last couple of hours. The really sad thing is that I’m so nervous that I’ll I’ve wanted to do is eat all day today. I’ve been doing so well eating healthy foods and now on the eve of my certification, all I want is chips and soda. Great. Not really helping my self confidence here.

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